SMCS Companion Piece #5: Highlander: The Animated Series

Beta on Highlander: The Animated Series

Presumably the Highlander cartoon was created in a smoky backroom full of drug dealing producers trying to figure out how to rip money off children. At some point of them asked “What movie property would make a great kids cartoon?” And another reposed “How about that movie with the immortal guys chopping each other’s heads off?” And the rest, as they say, is history. This week DJ Muppet and I spend The Saturday Morning Cartoon Show watching this terrible terrible cartoon.

Created in 1994 Highlander: The Animated Series was something of an alternate universe scenario to the original movie having nothing to do at all with the live action TV series. At some point in history human civilization was destroyed so the immortals decided to stop playing THE GAME and use their knowledge to restore society. In doing so they all make oaths to never fight again and become known as “jettators”. However in a shocking move that absolutely everyone saw coming one of the immortals, Cortez Kartan doesn’t join in the oath and is thus free to conquer the world. Connor MacLeod, who happens to be a highlander, breaks the oath to challenge himin duel and is immediately beheaded therefore ensuring that all the other jettator would lack the cojones to do anything to stop Kartan. Seriously in the 700 years that follow none of the other immortals do anything other periodically wave a finger at the despot as he conquers the Earth. Thankfully for humanity despite the uselessness of the jettators a prophecy is made that a new immortal unbound by the oath would eventually rise and defeat Kartan. Lord knows its too much trouble for anyone else to do anything out it. Thus Quentin MacLeod, who also happens to a highlander, is recruited after dying and coming back to life as an immortal to travel the world with Ramirez, one of the less useless but still pretty useless jettators, to seek out the others and gain their knowledge and skills (Not by beheading them but by holding hands) and train to defeat Kartan once and for all.

Now I wrote that big description because I must point out that on paper this show sounds awesome. Crapsack post-apocalyptic world? Check. Intriguing back story? Check. Swordfights? Check and check. The show may not have had a lot to do with the movie but frankly it has a interesting an original premise, much like the film did. So really this must be one of the best cartoons of the 1990s, right?

Well no. The show had a cool premise but the delivery was like a train wreck that you don’t want to watch. Improbable, I know, but it’s true. The acting is a hammy with wooden delivery from a cast that sound like they were reading the script line for line for the first time in the sound booth. This is made worse by the terrible dialogue. Ramirez is by far the worst offender as he can’t even be bothered to do a Sean Connery impression. Actually he’s the worse because it sounds like instead of hiring an actor they pulled a random guy off the street and told him to read lines. The show itself was bad beyond the acting as the characters all seem to be cowards and morons who never actually do anything then wait around for Quentin to come along and save from something. I watched a few episodes in preparation for writing this blog and boy did I have to fight the urge to eat my own face. How I watched this garbage as a kid I’ll never know. Kartan himself is a one dimensional villain who pretty much does nothing except standing around talking in a gruff voice( As opposed to the jettstors who stand around doing nothing at all).

The can be only one, mother f@#$er!

Maybe they just shouldn’t have turned a film like Highlander, which isn’t the most family friendly property, into a kids show. Plenty of things like this have happened in the past though. Rambo: The Animated Series, Mortal Kombat: The Animated Series, and even Police Academy: The Animated Series come to mind (If you saw the original Police Academy you know why I say it’s inappropriate for children). I wonder what other cartoons they could make based on popular films…

300: The Animated Series

King Leonidas and his Heroic Spartans fight a never-ending battle for truth and justice against the Xerxes and the Evil Force of the Persians in modern day Oregon. Leonidas is aided by a rag-tag team of helpful kids dubbed the “Spartan Scouts.” No one ever dies.

District 9: The Animated Series

A team of amoral heroic alien-busters protect the Earth from an impoverished and homeless evil alien group of refugees occupying militia teaching kids that despite our differences we are all still people if it’s different than you than it must be stopped.

And of course…

Watchmen: The Animated Series

For a less biased description of Highlander: The Animated Series go here

For the Saturday Morning Cartoon Show blog/podcast go here

SMCS Companion Piece #4: Danger Mouse

Sorry abut the delay. I was busy.

This week on the Saturday Morning Cartoon Show DJ Muppet and I watched Danger Mouse, a particularly entertaining British cartoon that ran from 1981 to 1992. There’s not much for me to say about this show other than it was miles ahead of most cartoons in terms of comedic writing, though it being a British cartoon so it may be unfair to hold it to the standards of a typically dumbed-down American cartoon. Anyway the fact is I wasn’t too sure on what to write this week’s companion piece. Then, randomly as I was doing some useless thing or other last week, it hit me: wouldn’t Danger Mouse make a great film? Crap, I immediately said to myself. If I had that thought you know Hollywood must have had it too. While it’s something of a terrifying subject matter I had come across my topic for the week.

Should Danger Mouse Be Made Into a Movie?

I want to be very clear about this: I’m talking about a Hollywood produced film. As in “American Made.” While I doubt England would bother making a film like this on their own if they were do so any reservations I had would be somewhat relieved. The movie would probably be CGI, as is the style these days. There have been rumors of such a film being planned but nothing has come of it so far. However there have been lots of cartoons turned into live action movies so I guess anything is possible.

Now if you read my Transformers Timeline from a few weeks ago you’ll recall that during the 2000s Hollywood ran out of ideas and began looking for non-movie franchise to turn into cash cow blockbusters. Obviously this happened to Transformers, but the list of cartoons and comic books (And fantasy book series, but that’s another blog for another day) that were also licensed is sizable. Old cartoons/kid shows have been pretty hit or miss as far as the quality goes (I believe they usually bomb in Box Office though) but part of that problem is, unlike with comic books, these films are usually marketed for children and, since Hollywood thinks your kids are stupid, they tend to lack depth. Emotionally I would love to see Danger Mouse on the big screen simply because it would mean someone is making new content for a franchise I loved when I was a kid. The problem is that I have zero confidence in movie makers’ ability to produce a film with that possesses all the elements that made the series so great. Let’s look at some recent cartoon/kid shows that have had silver screen adaptations.

Alvin & The Chipmunks

Pictured: The reason no one over Age 10 wanted to see this film

Most people seem to agree that this film was terrible despite its success at the box office, but I’ll go against the grain here and say that I actually didn’t hate this film. Sure I thought Jason Lee as Dave was about as compelling as a pet rock and David Cross’ character to be an insanely two-dimensional villain but aside from that I wasn’t offended by the film. There were even parts I thought were hilarious. By itself it was an inoffensive movie that was fine to bring your kids to. Its sequel squeakquel from what I understand ignored a lot of the character development from the first film and even wrote Dave out of the movie in favor of his cousin Tobey so we could once again see a comically out of place father figure dealing with talking animals as sons while at the same time trying to win the heart of the girl of his dreams. Just like in the first one. I’m giving this franchise an F.

Speed Racer

Still better than The Matrix squeals

Again I have to disagree with a lot of the hate for this movie. Sure it wasn’t Fight Club but what movie is? It was cheesy and corny but if you thought that was somehow inappropriate then you clearly never saw the source material. Sure the Spritle and Chim Chim parts could get a little lame (But they could be pretty amusing too) and one of Chim Chim’s actors was apparently a vicious monster on the set but really I thought the movie was entertaining. The visuals of the races are probably subjective, but I liked them. This gets a B, but since it did below the studio’s expectations at the box office I doubt there will be a sequel squeakquel anytime soon.

Astro Boy

More exciting than the actual film

Simply put this movie was just disappointing. This film itself was really mediocre with its pacing and conflict resolution and several actors (coughNickCagecoughcough) sounded like they just phoned in their performances in order to cash a check. Still it’s hard to make a movie based on something like Astro Boy as it was an early example of anime being altered for American audiences but as I understand it every other “modern” interpretation of the show/manga were more received warmly. This one not so much. The real weird thing about this movie was that it was clear that the studios were marketing it to children and that it was certainly written for them as well. But dude, this isn’t like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles which has had a presence in America since the 1980s; this is freaking Astro Boy! This was a cartoon that my parents watched as young kids! The demographic you were trying to grab could theoretically be the grandchildren of the original fans and probably have no idea what Astro Boy is/was. You’d think they’d be better off targeting the nostalgia crowd and making a film that adults would like. I’m an adult and was bored through the entire film. You get a D!

So basically with those examples (And there are a lot more) we pretty much learn nothing. Danger Mouse could be a decent property or it could be crap. It really depends on who’s doing the writing, directing, and who it’s marketed for. Hopefully they get some of the original writers on board since as we all know if the creators are involved with a re-imagining then it can’t be bad. Right?

Oh yeah. Nevermid.

Are there any cartoons turned movies that you loved/hated? Let me know.

For more on Danger Mouse click here

For the Saturday Morning Cartoon Show Blog click here

Batman Versus

Here’s a game you can play with your friends. It’s especially good on long car rides.

So in case you didn’t notice I’m a big nerd. I’m especially partial to comic books. When you’re a comic book nerd you often find yourself in an argument over which character could beat which in character in a fight (Superman versus Thor, The Joker versus the Green Goblin). One thing I noticed over the years is that whenever Batman is included he always wins. Universally. It doesn’t matter how powerful his opponent is; the understanding is that Batman can defeat anyone or anything provided he had enough time to prepare. That’s really messed up when you think about it but I swear 90% of fans I talk to are in agreement about this.

So here’s the game: Batman Versus. We all know that Batman can’t be defeated so it’s boring to drop his name in a Super Hero Versus discussion. Instead this game focuses on not if Batman can defeat his opponent (Because we all know he can) but how he does it.

Players: You need at least two players for this game, and maybe a third person to act as a judge.

Rules: The first player challenges the second player to explain how Batman defeats someone or something. It needs to be an organic and natural explanation or else it won’t count. The first player and the judge decide if the theory is sound.

Examples

More dead lovers than OJ Simson

Batman Versus Daredevil: This is the most basic challenge you can get. It’s almost insulting. If you use something like this be prepared to receive eye rolling on the part of the other players as they rip it to shreds.

Surprisingly Ineffective Villain

Batman Versus Thanos: This is a little better; Thanos is like the Darkseid of the Marvel Universe after all, and therefore a powerful foe. It’s still a little lazy because it’s still a comic book battle. Don’t you have any imagination?

I use it to drink my milk

Batman Versus Darth Vader: Now we’re getting somewhere! Not only is Darth Vader a powerful enemy but he solely exists in completely different medium from Batman and therefore the player would have to think outside the box a little to give a satisfactory explanation. This is about Medium Difficulty.

Remember when Star Wars was cool? Me neither

Batman Versus The Galactic Empire: This is what I’m talking about. Not only can Batman beat one person at a time but he can also best whole galaxy spanning threats if he had enough time to prepare. Now you just have to tell me how he does it.

I still can't afford to see a doctor. I'm just saying...

Batman Versus The Healthcare Crisis: For experts only. Can Batman succeed where our government has failed? Duh, of course he can. But how does he do it? Also Batman can defeat states of mind.

Feel free to use this game on your next road trip. However be careful if you plan on using it at parties or bars if you want to pick up women because the one thing Batman can’t defeat is the perception that comic book fans are losers.

Note: The only thing Batman can’t defeat is Squirrel Girl as she is just too powerful. Using Squirrel Girl in the game is an automatic disqualification.

Maverl Comics' Only True Superhero is Here!

SMCS Companion Piece #3: Recess

As you may or may not be aware I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with The Walt Disney Company. On the one hand they are a soulless, money grubbing cooperation who has their fingers in way too many pies. Of course now they own Marvel Comics, who are also pretty soulless, so now I literally pay Disney money every week meaning that they won and I lost. Sad. On the other hand Disney has produced some of the best cartoons in American history, both on television and film. I must say that their television cartoons are extremely Hit or Miss but when they hit they are usually fantastic. The seeds of this were, of course, planted by the “Disney Afternoon” era, where the company churned out large numbers of decent cartoons, and its predecessor syndicated cartoons Adventures of the Gummi Bears and Duck Tales. Since then Disney repeatedly experimented with different genres of animation to see what works and what didn’t. This sometimes resulted in gold (Darkwing Duck, Pepper Ann) but sometimes resulted in less than gold (Mighty Ducks, Bonkers) and usually an enjoyable in-betweens that get canceled (Fillmore, Dave the Barbarian). Disney has a very upsetting habit of axing shows for lame reasons or sometimes even no given explanation at all. There’s also an unspoken rule that after three seasons a show must be canceled. This may be done to keep a show fresh, but sometimes I think it’s a waste depending on the series. Gargoyles for example could have gone a few more seasons I think, assuming that the show runner hadn’t been fired of course (Which he was in Season 3, so never mind).

One of the exceptions to this cancellation rule was Recess as it lasted six seasons, a movie and straight to video episodes. We are all better off for it. This week on the Saturday Morning Cartoon Show DJ Mippet and I watched this fine show and as per usual I didn't get to talk much about it, so...

Beta on Recess

Premiering in 1998 Recess on ABC the cartoon had a simple premise: six 4^th graders having adventures during recess. I must point out that I was in High School when this show came out and didn’t really watch it regularly until I was something like seventeen years old (Because watching cartoons aren’t cool). This show was fantastic. An ensemble cast made up of interesting and dynamic characters (Something we don’t see much on TV in general), a large yet fun cast of supporting characters, actual continuity between episodes (Meaning when the characters learn a lesson THEY KEEP IT IN MIND IN FUTURE EPISODES) and lessons for kids that were organically told through entertaining storytelling. This is something that never happens! Usually on kids shows they just beat you over the head with “Do’s and Do-Not’s”. Best of all the writing on this sow was clever enough that adults would have as much fun watching as their kids, another rarity.

The show takes place at Third Street Elementary where the core cast deal with the various ins and outs of their school during recess, though they are far from mundane. The school is filled with hyper exaggerated aspects of being in elementary school (Such as unspoken rules being referred to as an unbreakable kids code) and even ruled over by a King (King Bob). Not something I dealt with in school, but whatever. They were just as likely to have an episode focused on kickball as they were to have one where the gang uncovers a conspiracy that threatens recess all over the world.

Let’s look at the cast:

TJ: The leader of the group and the closet thing the show has to a main character, TJ is a friendly well-intentioned schemer who is the embodiment of loyalty and will never abandoned a friend. He is universally liked among the playground, except for a single person (Who turns out not to have a good reason for it). Even his enemies like him. His friends sometimes fight over which one is his best friend but in his own words he has five best friends.

Vince: The token black kid in the group Vince is probably the best athletic in school that spends most of the series dominating the various sports of the playground including basketball and kickball, though it’s made clear that he’s not unbeatable. He has an older brother who he looks up to, but is initially unaware that he’s a big honking nerd. If his pride is hurt he has a habit of falling apart over it.

Spinelli: One of the toughest kids in school Spinelli is a gigantic tomboy taking the archetype to the extreme. She’s fairly violent and can intimidate just about anyone on the playground despite having a small frame. Luckily she does have a good heart, though it’s hidden under layers of bravado. Her first name is “Ashley”, a fact that she is ashamed of in part due to its girly nature but mostly because of a rival group of friends on the playground, the gossiping Ashleys, whom she dislikes being compared to.

Gretchen: Usually portrayed as being far and away the smartest kid in school Gretchen has more than once passed up opportunities for accelerated programs in order to avoid being separated from her friends which probably means she’s doomed herself to a life of mediocrity. She tends to be a voice of reason in the group, usually speaking on the scientific and logical approach of things but is still hampered by the fact that she is just a child.

Mikey: A play on the “Big Guy” archetype Mikey is a gentle giant who rarely loses his temper. If Gretchen is the brains of the group then Mikey is the heart, speaking out for the emotional impact on the situation. The nicest member of the group he is widely known for his incredible singing ability (Provided by Robert Goulet). However, as per “Big Guy” rules he is very a heavy eater.

Gus: An army brat, Gus has a long history of transferring to different schools due his father’s postings with the military. He doesn’t show up immediately in the first episode but once does he’s quickly assimilated into the group and acts as the Point of View character for viewers while the world of Recess is explored. Gus tends to be a worrier and often gets carried away, needing his friends to rescue him from himself. He’s a Butt-Monkey and spends most of the series being the victim of some running gag or another (Though he’s usually not bitter about it). While normally portrayed as being extremely average he possesses an impressive knowledge of military grade vehicles and is a master of dodge ball.

There’s also a large cast of supporting characters but the list is so long that I can’t really list them all here. Most of them have a surprising amount of depth for glorified background characters. My favorite of these is King Bob, ruler of the Third Street playground. Apparently in this world all schools have a king who enforces the rules of the playground. King Bob is a particular interesting a character because, despite the fact he’s usually a noble ruler, he tends to go “crazy-banana”s every now and then thus creating chaos across the playground. My favorite of which was when he declared himself “Pharaoh” and forced all the kids into slave labor to build pyramids out of mud, leading to a bloody muddy civil war. It also had my favorite lines in the series.

King Bob: I guess I just got carried away and, well, what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry.

TJ: Sorry? Sorry?! After enslaving us and making us work in the hot sun and sicking your guards on us with that big hose?! You say you’re sorry? Why should we forgive you?!

King Bob: I’ll repel the gum tax.

TJ: All hail King Bob!

Ah, if only all slavery ended so amicably.

Henceforth Thursdays shall be known as "Silly Hat Day"
This I command!!!

Anyway long story short this cartoon had great acting, despite most of the main cast were voiced by kids, fun stories, intriguing characters, and managed to produce six seasons worth of good stuff (Though in typical Disney fashion the last few seasons were shockingly short). This is one of the few cartoons that I’m completely 100% endorse. This is as close to a perfect cartoon as you will find.

For more on Recess click here

For the Saturday Morning Cartoon Show podcast check out the SMCS Blog or WIDR Kalamazoo