SMCS Companion Piece #7: Avengers Week Day Three

Sorry. This should have been up earlier, but I was and still am but of town vising family. I was busy.

As we continue with Avengers Week we now have to come across the team’s underwhelming show at animation. This week on the Saturday Morning Cartoon Show we watched The Avengers: United They Stand. Before we can talk about why this show sucked we have to look back to why it was made in the first place.

Beta on Avengers: United They Stand

It all started, as with all good things, with Batman. Specifically I’m referring to Batman: The Animated Series, the groundbreaking 1992 cartoon. After the success of Tim Burton’s Batman and Batman Returns, along with other factors that destroyed the notion that comic book characters were all campy affairs, Warner Bros. green lighted an animated series based on the character. While not based on the films it was thematically similar. Obviously as we now count the show as one of the best (If not the best) cartoons ever made so I’d say that it did very well.

Now that Batman had opened the door Marvel and DC began making plans to make more cartoons based on their characters. DC sort of took its time over the next ten years or so but Marvel began releasing a string of properties in animated form. First was X-Men: The Animated Series which was their answer to the Batman cartoon. Darker than anything Marvel had animated previously the cartoon became extremely popular despite noticeable dips in quality throughout the series. Soon afterwards Spider-Man: The Animated Series came out and similarly was very successful, despite it being a terrible cartoon (That is another blog, for sure). With X-Men and Spider-Man getting great numbers more Marvel properties were animated including The Fantastic Four, Iron Man and the Incredible Hulk but none of them came close to the success of the first two.

"So, did you read the original comic?" "Meh, I glanced it"

Eventually it was decided to try making an Avengers cartoon. Now these days the Avengers are easily Marvels premier superhero team but in the 90s they were a bit below the radar of the Average Joe. In fact I do believe there had never been a straight Avengers cartoon before this so it would be the first chance many young cartoon fans would have to see Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. X-Men and Spider-Man had proven that the time was ripe for successful comic-based cartoons and surely both comic series benefitted greatly from the exposure. Avengers seed like a no-brainer. It did not go well.

Premiering in 1999 on Fox Kids Avengers: United They Stand lasted a mere 13 episodes before being canceled and promptly forgotten about. But why? Ratings, most likely. According to the rumor mill Fox hated the idea of having their highest rated series (Spider-Man and X-Men) be shows not done in-house and would have liked nothing more than to get rid of them, but couldn’t justify canceling such successful properties. If true it’s likely that after the Avengers didn’t gain the expected ratings Fox gleefully pulled the plug as fast as they could. Even if that’s true they show still kind of sucked and at least need some retooling.

What was wrong with it? Well I think there’s three main problems with it. The first one is a comic book nerd complaint but I was unhappy with the roster. It featured Ant-Man, the Wasp, the Scarlet Witch, Wonder Man, the Vision, Falcon (Presumably because he’s black), Tigra and Wolverine a Wolverine-like Hawkeye. Now people like Hawkeye and the Scarlet Witch are fine, of course, as they’re mainstays of the team, but what were b and c-listers like Tigra and Falcon doing there? More importantly where were Captain America Iron Man, and Thor? Those are the “Big Three” of the team! As most of the Marvel cartoons existed in a shared universe it would have made sense for Iron Man from the earlier 90s cartoon to be on the team and bring fans of that show (Justice League did this not too long afterwards and everyone was better off by it). There was never a stated reason but some believe that the rights to use these characters were tied up due to forthcoming (Though ultimately never produced) films. Okay, I might buy that for two of them but not all three. Again, maybe it’s just my nerdy brain getting upset over nothing.

A bigger, non-dork complaint I have is with the show’s gimmick. Apparently someone during the production of the show decided that a cartoon about the Avengers was not strong enough by itself. Kids today (In 1999) would be uninterested in a hokey/boring show about super powered beings battling other super powered beings for the fate of the world. To spice things up it was decided that several of the characters, in addition to whatever superpowers or skills they already possessed, would wield high tech super armor that were summoned in similar fashion as “Morphin Time” from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. That’s right: Ant-Man, boring as he was already, now came with a transformation sequence as he “armored up”. This, mind you, was never in the comic; it’s something they added to the cartoon in the post-Power Rangers era of children’s television. Interestingly there were other shows that also had this type of sequence that had been popping up over the then-past few years (Including a show called Mummies Alive) and almost all of them were canceled after one season. I can see a pattern forming…

Big Bad Beetleborgs...ASSEMBLE!

Anyway the last problem I had with the show is basically how the show started. The premise of this show involved the Avengers having apparently been around for years prior to this (Founded by characters who aren’t even on the team anymore) and have had already been established in the world. Tons of back-story we never got to experience. The show would have benefitted from having an “Avenger Origin Tale” as its first episode rather than the “Just another day in the life of the Avengers” thing we saw this past weekend (You’ve heard the podcast, right?). Let’s compare to the far more successful X-Men and Justice League cartoons.

The first episode of X-Men: The Animated Series was a great two-part story. The young mutant Jubilee, acting as our point-of-view character, finding her normal life shattered by mutant hunting robots called Sentinels but is rescued by an unknown group of unknown mutants calling themselves the “X-Men” who are forced to prematurely reveal their existence to a hateful world in order to save the girl. As Jubilee is initiated into their world we are as well. Even though they existed as a group prior to the first episode it’s clear that what we are seeing is their debut in what seems like their most important adventure to date.

Gambit shamelessly hits on 14-year old girls

And yet his cartoon is still superior to this crap

Justice League starts out with Batman and Superman from their previous 90s shows on investigating what appears to be sabotage of defense satellites but turns out to be the beginning of a global alien invasion. After being unsuccessful in defeating the threat on their own they re summoned by a different alien, the Martian Manhunter, who has been captured by the enemy. At the same time he also summoned a small group of heroes and the group work together to save the Earth. Superman suggests they continue working together afterwards. It’s cliché, but like the X-Men you feel like this cartoon is for you and you haven’t missed anything because it’s literally a blank slate.

The Avengers first episode feels like it’s just another adventure, the only difference is that Wonder Man is put in a coma. It just doesn’t grab you as much.

Anyway truth be told the cartoon wasn’t the worst. It was more juvenile than Batman: The Animated Series and more dull than the early and excellent X-Men: The Animated Series episodes, but there have been a lot worse affairs for sure. But as it stands I doubt anyone shed a tear when this show got canned.

THIS JUST IN: I have just heard that a new Avenger cartoon is set to premier on XD Disney this fall called Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes and it will apparently feature Thor in some capacity! Now that we live in a post-Justice League world I’m super excited to see how this show goes. Like it or hat eit you can be sure I’ll talk about it when it drops.

Now that's more like it!

For a less biased description of Avengers: United They Stand click here
For the Saturday Morning Cartoon Show blog click here

Avengers Week: Day Two

And we’re back. Today I’d like to touch on a few members f the Avengers. Now I can’t talk about all of them because there’s so many characters associated with the team that’d I’d be here all week (Also I’m no expert on the comic so I may end up talking a lot of nonsense). I’m going to keep it small, concentrating on characters that provoke a strong emotional response in me.

Avengers Week

Day Two

Captain America: Steve Rogers was a skinny little punk who was just too dang puny to enlist in the US Army during World War II, but when Uncle Sam asked for test subjects to try a new super soldier serum he jumped at the chance to serve his county. He gained no superhuman powers but rather gained peek human conditioning making him stronger, faster and more capable than the average American slobs could ever hope to be thanks to steroids. Rather than becoming a baseball player Rogers’ joins in the fight against the axis and punch Hitler in the face as Captain America.

The default leader of the team, despite being an obvious loner

Cap was not a founding Avenger but he was sort of reintroduced in the Siler Age in an early issue and kind of has retroactive founder status. He’s also the poster Avenger; when most comic fans think of this team they think Captain America. He’s usually leading them because every other Avenger is horribly incompetent in that function. Also despite his flag waving colors he’s actually not an agent of the American government though he is usually on good terms with law enforcement agents. Rather he represents the spirit of America which means he has, on occasion, beaten the crap out of government guys and wage war on the country. Though usually he’s pretty chill.

Unlike his “Ultimate Marvel Universe” counterpart who enjoys beating his friends half to death and declaring that the “A” on his forehead doesn’t stand for ‘France”.

Thor: In Norse mythology Thor was a lunk-head who really liked killing giants. In Marvel Comics he’s a superhero. I totally get it. (Marvel’s) Thor apparently was a big dumb jerk walking around Asgard like he owned the place so his father Odin banished him to Earth in the form of crippled guy (Donald Blake) to teach him some humility. Since then he’s become one of the world’s most steadfast champions, while still making time to occasionally beat up giants (Presumably he only barely tolerates Giant-Man).

A founder of the team (His evil brother Loki was the threat that brought them together) Thor is a longer member who always is ready to fight by the side of his mortal friends. A lot of fans seem to dislike Thor because, as the powerful god of thunder, he is hard to relate to and therefore not that interesting. These are the same people who also think Superman is lame. Allow me to offer a rebuttal: shut up, Thor is awesome! Jerk…

Iron Man: Another founder Tony Stark was a brilliant scientist and billionaire industrialist who was kidnapped by some foreign menace (Who that menace was depends on who America is currently fighting) during which his heart was punctured by shrapnel or somehting. Luckily, being a genius, Stark built himself a high tech suit of armor that was one part heart regulator one part communist killing machine that he must use or else he dies. He poses as his own bodyguard Iron Man (Because everyone in the Marvel universe is a gullible twit) and fights the Red Menace that threaten the forces of capitalism.

Iron Man is one of the most sinister and manipulative beloved heroes in the Marvel universe whose many acts of heroism included collaborating with the evil Kang the Conqueror to destroy the Avengers from within taking control of the superhero community and turning them into an army for America faking his death in order to avoid prosecution for his evil deeds stopped the sinister Mandarin from unionizing Stark’s employees doing something undoubtedly evil.

Uh…let’s move on.

The Scarlet Witch: Part of Cap’s Quirky Quartet Wanda Maximoff is a mutant and the daughter of X-Men villain Magneto. She spent her early appearances as a mutant terrorist with the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants and also pretty much doing nothing but being weak and sought after by her male teammates (Thanks for the female empowerment, Stan) and yet somehow she and her twin brother Quicksilver tricked Captain America into letting them join the Avengers during a point when he was the only current member. Over the years Wanda has become a more powerful and dynamic character but she’s hindered her ability to win me over as a fan as she at some point married a damn robot. And she knew it was a robot beforehand. Dude, really? Anyway I’d tell you what her powers are but apparently the writers like to keep going back and changing the nature and the scope of her abilities. At some point she could a) manipulate probability, b) control Chaos Magic, and c) alter reality as she saw fit.

Noted technophile and obvious loner. Don't leave alone with toaster

In the last decade writers remembered that at some point she had magic children (With her wind-up husband) that she ended up losing (becuase they weren’t real or something) so they decided to have it be the focal point of her going crazy-bananas and killing half the Avengers and depowering 90% of all Mutants. I assume this happened because modern Marvel doesn’t like empowered women either.

The Vision: AKA “That Robot Wanda Married”, the Vision is an android built by the villainous robot Ultron who in turn was built by incompetent scientist Hank Pym (Ant-Man/Giant-Man). The Vision was supposed to destroy the Avengers from within but was convinced that if he turned to the side of good then he’d get to make-out with the Scarlet Witch (So I assume, anyway). I guess he's a robot who can love. He’s one of those guys that I can’t see outside of the Avengers books, nor would I want to. He has many powers including density control and flight which makes him among the most useful teams members. He also sometimes weeps in order to show that “Even an Android Can Cry” so he’s kind of a wussy. These days he’s technically dead; killed by his crazy, reality warping ex-wife (HINT: Wanda). The current version of the Vision is actually a sentient suit of armor built by Kang the Conqueror as a gift for his less-evil teenage self (So confusing). This version of the Vision prefers making out with teenage girls.

Here's a picture of the Vision:

Meh. Close enough

Hank Pym/Ant-Man/Giant-Man/Yellow Jacket/The Wasp (For some reason): Hank Pym discovered a new type of sub-atomic particles (Dubbed “Pym Particles) that allow size change or something. He soon becomes Ant-Man, the most useless hero in the 1960s Marel Universe. Later he becomes Giant-Man, a less useless but still pretty useless identity. A founder of the team Pym is usually regarded as one of the higher ups of the team, but due to repeated instances of critical science failure (Getting stuck in giant form; creating a murderous robot and forgetting about it) and several bouts with insanity (Caused by Critical Science Failure) he’s something of joke.

Once while insane and not his normal self he hit his then-wife the Wasp which became his most well-known character trait despite it never happening again once he was cured of his crazy. Even Marvel takes jabs at that every once in a while. Frankly I think there are plenty of other lame and horrible things that Hank has done for us to make fun of, but that’s just me.

Recently Pym has donned the identity of The Wasp as the original one was recently killed. Am I the only one who finds this creepy?

Spider-Man: Yes, eventually Spider-Man joined the Avengers after several decades of being too untrustworthy and dangerous. It happened in 2004, I believe, after the Scarlet Witch killed all the other more reliable heroes and presumably Captain America and Iron Man were desperate. Bitten by a radioactive spider and gaining super powers instead of dying of radiation poisoning Peter Parker became Spider-Man in order cash in and make that mother loving money. After he accidently allowed his Uncle Ben to be murdered he wised up and became a superhero for real. He’s usually the moral center of the Marvel Universe, often speaking as the everyman. He once made a deal with the devil to keep his 80 year old Aunt May alive kind of against her wishes was definitely never ever married to Mary Jane Watson.

I’m not sure why it took so long for them to pull the trigger on letting Spidey join the team, but frankly after decades of him not being associated with them it almost felt…wrong to have him there. But even so it is nice to see my former favorite superhero except for that time he proved to be dangerously irresponsible by making deals with beings of pure evil favorite superhero on a team that’s supposed to be made up of the best Marvel has to offer.

Fun Trivia: Did you know that Spidey is a way worst wife beater than Hank Pym? One time, after learning that he was a clone of the real Peter Parker (SPOILER: That turned out to be a lie) a far more-sane-than-Pym Spider-Man “accidently” hits a PREGNANT Mary Jane so hard that she was knocked across a room, meaning he used his Spider Strength! Good grief! Luckily she and Spider-Man were never married so this probably didn’t actually happen.

Seconds before he backhands her for making a tuna melt again

Wolverine: Wait this can’t be right. Isn’t Wolverine that guy from the X-Men comic books that spends most of his free time not being a team player to the X-Men? A guy who’s superhero mantra involves the phrase “If someone attacks me why shouldn’t I brutally rip their guts out?” This must be a typo! Alas, the baffling popularity of Wolverine led to his inclusion to the Avengers during the same run where Spider-Man joined. So literally after decades of telling Spidey that he was just too much of a loose cannon to join their team they finally allow him to join but just a few hours later they also let a guy who has little problem with attacking his other team’s leader when it suits his mood (And while he was trying to sleep with his wife).

Of course Captain America makes the point of “Hey, this guy murders people. Therefore he shouldn’t be allowed to join the Avengers.” To which Iron Man counters with “Sure he can; we need guys like him on the team.” Excuse me? Guys like what? Guys who don’t really believe in the whole “Justice System” thing? Guys who think “taking orders is for chumps”? Guys who will periodically shut his communicator off so he can go ridding of on some adventure (Filled with murder) without telling anyone and when he finally comes back and is asked where he went and why his response is displaying his razor sharp claws and uttering “I go where I wanna go”?

The only team player ever to be an Avenger is here!

Well the answer is apparently “yes, guys like that” because I don’t think Cap ever argued the point again after that. So we currently live in a world where Wolverine is a regular member of the Avengers. And also on the X-Men at the same time. And also with his own solo series. And two more solo series. And a Mini-Series.

Squirrel Girl: Nope, she was never an Avenger proper (She is a member of the Great Lake Avengers though). Which is a shame, but I assume if she ever joined she would overshadow her teammates in every issue and make them all look bad. Although if they ever make a cartoon called “Squirrel Girl and the Avengers” I would be down like Charlie Brown.

Yeah right. They wish they could afford her

This weekend I will have my reaction to the Avengers: United They Stand cartoon as part of the Saturday Morning Cartoon Show. Check back, won’t you.

Avengers Week: Day One

So yeah. You may have noticed a lack of Saturday Moring Cartoon Show companion blog this past weekend; no “Beta Rage” filled rant against Cartoon Planet. I was going to write one, sure, but in the end I decided to skip one this week for three reasons. #1) I was burnt-out on writing blogs after the inhumanly long Anime for Beginners fiasco (Though what little feedback I ever get was very positive about it) and I couldn’t bring myself to write anything else. And yes I know that I wrote that one on my own and it had nothing really to do with anything. Burnt-out is burnt-out, regardless as to who caused it. #2) Ever since I started this blog I’ve proven to myself that I can write a ton of stuff regularly and have it be entertaining (At least I’m told its entertaining) so I’ve been working a little harder on my novel. Yes I’m working on a novel, shut up. And yes I was working on it before I started this dumb blog. And no, nothing I write in this blog has anything to do with the book I’m working on. Long story short I dedicated more time to the book than the blog this week. Sue me. #3) I have nothing really to say about the cartoon we watched on the show that day. Cartoon Planet is not my favorite cartoon but it’s not bad enough to stay on my mind. I pretty much said everything I wanted to say about it on the podcast, so if you’re that desperate for my opinion on the matter go here and check it out or go to widr.org and search for it.

Anyway this coming weekend we’re finally doing a cartoon I’ve wanted to talk about ever since DJ Muppet informed me it was an option: Avengers: United They Stand, a terrible Marvel cartoon that absolutely failed in drawing the numbers the 90s’ X-Men: The Animated Series and Spider-Ma: The Animated Series cartoons did. Now I will have a blog about this show this weekend but because I am in my heart more of a comic book nerd than anything else I felt I needed to talk a bit about the source material before I could really explain why the cartoon was a pile of poop. Therefore I declare this week…

Avengers Week

Day One

Four of Earth's greatest heroes (And some loser) fighting Loki

Okay so where to begin? I’m sure you’ve heard of the Avengers. Published by Marvel Comics starting in 1963 it has endured to present day. Multiple spin-offs have been created over the years and even today Marvel plans on releasing at least three new Avengers titles later this year. It is a superhero team book where a band of, supposedly, “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes” battle threats that no one of them could fight alone. It also has a rotating cast that so often filled with lame second stringers and supposed A-List guys who are actually still pretty lame. Let’s take a brief (God I hope it’s brief) look back at the origins of this book.

Like I mentioned it was stated in 1963. The book was created by 1960s power duo Stan Lee and Jack Kirby who also created the significantly more popular at the time Fantastic Four a few years earlier. In fact let’s look at that comic first. At the beginning of the so-called Siler Age of Comics a golf game between the editors of Marvel and rival DC Comics, as the legend goes, had a conversation about DC’s popular new book Justice League of America and how well it was doing against an Marvel book. Martin Goodman (Marvel’s editor), angry by the fact that DC was beating his company, went to his go-to guy Stan and demanded he make Marvel’s version of the JLA. Uninterested in doing anything like that Stan and Jack instead created a unique superhero team that was made of a family of sorts that bickered and yelled but always worked it out just in time to defeat the bad guys. That comic was of course the Avengers the Fantastic Four and it brought Marvel into the then-modern age. Very unique for its time it showed that Lee could think outside the box when it came to competing with DC (Jack “The King” Kirby always thought outside the box). He didn’t need to blatantly rip off DC to sell books.

So of course a few years later Lee got lazy and made a JLA clone anyway. Go figure. (Also he may have ripped off of DC on other books but that’s another topic, I’m sure).

Earth’s Mightiest Heroes

And Two Other Guys

Like JLA the Avengers was supposed to feature the most powerful and popular characters in the Marvel Universe and put them all together in one book. JLA had guys like Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, etc.; their entire roster of top guns in their book. So obviously you’d think that Lee would use Marvel’s top guys as well. The Incredible Hulk was one of the founding characters, which made more sense at the time because a) he was hugely popular in the 60s and b) he wasn’t nearly as destructive and child-like back then as he has been portrayed for most of his existence. Next the Mighty Thor, arguably the most powerful superhero Marvel had to offer and the only character at Marvel, at the time, comparable to the somewhat over-powerful DC heroes. Next was Iron Man, which makes some senses, I guess. At the time Iron Man was still pretty new and I’m not certain the creators had quite found his voice yet, but they needed bodies so why not? And of course Marvel’s most popular hero Spider-Man was included-

What’s that? Marvel’s most popular hero wasn’t in fact included on the team? How can that be?

It’s true! Despite basically printing money for Marvel at the time they decided not to include the Amazing Spider-Man in the Avengers book. When asked about this many times over the years Stan Lee’s usual response is “Spider-Man was an obvious loner and therefore wouldn’t fit in.” Wait, back-up: Friendly bookworm turned guilt ridden superhero Peter Parker was too much of a loner, but somehow the steroid raging Hulk was more of a team player? The same guy who literally spends the majority of the early issues being mistaken for a rampaging monster that his teammates repeatedly have to put down? But Spider-Man is too much of a “loose-cannon”? Sure Stan, sure. Spidey wouldn’t officially join the cast of the book as a full member until forty years later.

One of these guys is too unpredictable /uncontrollable to be an Avenger

The other one is the Hulk

Anyway, so we got Thor (Awesome), Iron Man (Okay, I guess) and the Hulk (Sure, why not?) but who else should we have on the team. Why Ant-Man of course! Ant-Man whose powers include shrinking and the ability to command…ants! Ant-Man who is like Aquaman without the super strength, combat training or being neigh-unstoppable while under water! Ant-Man who is supposed to be a brilliant scientist…except that Iron Man is, um, more brilliant. Huh. Why are you here again, Ant-Man?

And last but not least the Wasp! Wait the Wasp? The Wasp can shrink size too except she can also fly and shoot energy blasts? What the hell did Ant-Man bring to the table besides a goofy helmet and goofier name when his girlfriend can do similar and cooler crap than he could? How in the world did Ant Man warrant being among Earth’s Mightiest Heroes over Spider-Man? Sure the Webhead might be an obvious loner, too dangerous to be trusted (Or so Stan Lee seemed to think) but at least he can actually do something…anything.

Ant-Man/Hank Pym: The "Ross Geller" of the Avengers

To be fair there are probably a number of reasons that Stan felt Spider-Man couldn’t be on the team; I just wish I had a better explanation for it. So if anyone has one please send it my way.

Anyway the final team roster in issue #1 featured Thor, Hulk, Iron and the Incredible Shrinking Twins. Justice League they were not folks, yet they apparently were Earth’s Mightiest Heroes (I’m surprised Earth made it out of the Siler Age). By issue #2 though the roster was shaken up due to the Hulk leaving the team because he remembered that he was actually an “obvious loner” and Ant Man, realizing that he was the worst superhero of all time, decided to grow instead of shrink and became the less useless Giant-Man (More on him later). Since then it’s become something of an unfunny running gag a staple of the Avengers to have a somewhat rotating cast meaning that just about any superheroes ever has been a member of the team…including dangerous criminals, terrorists and KGB agents who promised they were reformed/were sleeping with someone already on the team.

Within the next two days I’ll tell some of my “favorite” Avengers.