Monday, February 28, 2011

Beta’s Super Awesome Unofficial 83rd Academy Awards Blog: The Revenge


Only one F-Bomb accidentally uttered tonight.  Darn
[The following intro was written before the show began]
Ah the Oscars.  I’m not sure if I should be in awe of everything present or disgusted with all the excess and self congratulation.  Celebrity worship is very annoying and when it’s directed at the Hollywood Elite it’s at its most ridiculous.  I imagine that people like you and me may be considered insects due to the pedestal we as a society put them on.  Add to the fact that Hollywood seems to be made up of the most distant, aloof and profit minded monsters in the country outside the banks or car companies-
Whoa, what the hell was that?  Unresolved anger, much?  I’ll try to keep that crap in check.
(Why the hell do I care what they’re wearing?  You goddamn bastards!)
Okay sorry, sorry.  So anyway I’ll just be writing down thoughts.  I hear The King’s Speech was nominated for about 783 categories and is the favorite for pretty much all the major awards.  I still haven’t seen it yet so I got nothing to say, but it looks like my favorite movies of the year are likely not walking away with anything.  Curses!
Beta’s thoughts on the show after the jump.

[The following are random thought Beta had live while watching the 83rd Annual Academy Awards]
-I still think ten nominations for Best Picture is too much
-The opening sequence was made better by the inclusion of Alec Baldwin and Morgan Freeman.  Did he just call Anne Hathaway “The Naked Girl from Love and Other drugs”?  I may also start calling her that
If by "Hip & Young" you meant "Terrified" then well done on the choice
-Hell yes, Back to the Future reference!  That saved this mostly lousy sequence
-Yeah thanks for being self aware of the bullshit reason they hired you, Anne and James.  It doesn’t make me feel any better
-I feel like Anne is really nervous and James Franco is completely out of his element
-Notice how hosts don’t stand up on stage insulting the actors anymore.  I think we might have found the real reason they’ve stopped using comedians
Alice in Wonderland Wins Best Art Direction
Beta Says: As I recall I liked the look of the world when I wrote the review of this movie a year ago
-Dude, Tim Burton looks as old as he must be
Inception Wins Best Cinematography
Beta Says: Okay, sounds good.  I should really learn what goes into this profession.  Wally Pfister seems like a cool guy
-I missed who the old guy giving the Award for Best Supporting Actress, but Anne Hathaway sure seemed flattered by his words [Edit: Pretty sure it was Kirk Douglas]
Melissa Leo (The Fighter) Wins Best Supporting Actress
Beta Says: Well deserved (And hey!  She actually was a supporting character in her film.  Who would have thought?).  She seemed rather overwhelmed, but it’s her first win.  Cut her some slack.  Oops, she dropped an F-Bomb.
-Justine Timberlake probably should have been nominated for Best Supporting Actor.  Mila Kunis…what a nice dress
The Lost Thing Wins Best Animated Short Film
Beta Says: Looks kind of cool.  I never saw it though
-They should give winners more time to give they’re thanks and take out 70% of the fluff in the show to make up the time
Toy Story 3 Wins Best Animated Feature
Beta Says: No shit.  The Illusionist sure as hell wasn’t nominated for Best Picture
-Ah, seeing Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem together on stage presenting an award reminds me of the latter brutally and mercilessly hunting the former down in No Country for Old Men.  Perhaps he’ll finally kill him tonight
Aaron Sorkin (The Social Network) Wins Best Adapted Screenplay
Beta Says: Unsurprising turn of events.  It was certainly a great script.  I like how the writer was hurried off stage during his speech.  Oh wait not; I actually think it’s insanely insulting
David Seidler (The King’s Speech) Wins Best Original Screenplay
Beta Says: First win for The King’s Speech of the night.  Seidler seemed painfully aware of how old he is but you’re never too old to be recognized for your talent
-Anna Hathaway in a Tuxedo?  Yes please.   The sequence for which it was used?  DO. NOT. WANT.
-Franco doesn’t pull off the dress very well, but I liked the Charlie Sheen zinger
Its not that I'm put off by Franco in drag
But he could have used a more flattering dress
In a Better World Wins Best Foreign Language Film
Beta Says: I didn’t see any of these films because I’m an uncultured American slob/idiot, but “Go Denmark” nonetheless
-OOOOOOH!  The narrator flubbed his lines!
-I like Reese Witherspoon.  It’s odd that I think of her as being underrated when she won a damn Oscar
Christian Bale (The Fighter) Wins Best supporting Actor
Beta Says: About goddamn time!  Considering how much awful stuff he does to his body for the sake of his art its shocking that this is his first nomination.   “Academy Award Winner Christian Bale” has a good ring to it
With that beard no one would dare vote against him
-I’m pretty certain I could not care less about the Oscars’ contract with ABC, but it’s not like NBC could really afford it these days
-Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman, eh?  Whitefellas from Australia
The Social Network Wins Best Original Score
Betas Says: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win the award.  I think I would have preferred Inception to win this one.  This won’t win me any friends or fans but I do not like Reznor.  Not at all
-Sound.  Sound.  Sound.  I f**king hate you, Hollywood
Inception Wins Best Sound Mixing
Beta Says: Right on.  I think that’s fair.  Though if Salt had won I would have exclusively referred to it as “Academy Award Winning Film Salt
Inception Wins Best Sound Editing
Beta Says: Again, that’s fair.  Though I’m starting to wonder if Inception will win for anything besides sound
-God this year’s show is dull.  The hosts aren’t setting my world on fire so far
The Wolfman Wins Best Makeup
Beta Says: Meh.
Alice in Wonderland Wins Best Costume Design
Beta Says: Colleen Atwood wins her third Oscar.  She also did the costumes for Memoirs of a Geisha and Chicago (Which is a film I love).  She also did the costumes for My Chemical Romance, so it’s not all good news
-Obama sighting!
-Whenever I see the song “Beauty and the Beast” I always think of “Beauty and King Dork” instead.  If you get this reference lets be friends
-Did you know it’s hard out there?  For a pimp, I mean
-Randy Newman will never die.  He is eternal.  When the universe was created there was Randy Newman and when it finally ends he’ll be there to write a painfully obvious song about the situation
-Ah Tangled.  I still haven’t gotten around to seeing this flick, but it might be telling that it’s only nomination is for Best Original song
- Jake Gyllenhaal, what exactly are you trying to tell me about Short Films?  Your tone makes it sound like you’re being ironic
Strangers No More Wins Best Documentary - Short Subject
Beta Says: I was too busy been both attracted to and terrified by Amy Adams to pay any attention here
God of Love Wins Best Live Action Short Film
Beta Says: I do not like the look of Luke Matheny.  Get a haircut, you hooligan!  I seriously am strangely hostile towards this guy and I don’t know why
Gross
-F**KING AUTOTUNE!!!!
-Christ almighty, how the hell did Emma Watson grow up to be such a beautiful young woman while Rupert Grint ended up growing up into a toad?
Inside Job Wins Best Documentary
Beta Says: Uh oh. Charles H. Ferguson just turned the Oscars into his personal Soap Box Derby.  You can tell the audience was mostly liberals he wasn’t booed off the stage (Incidentally I agree with his sentiment)
-Billy Crystal’s still alive, huh?  And about 100% less grey in the head than the last time I saw him
What I assume Crystal looks like without hair dye
-Only there for a few minutes Crystal reminded to me that this show needs a comedian host
Inception Wins Best Visual Effects
Beta Says: It damn well better!  It looked great!
The Social Network Wins Best Film Editing
Beta Says: The Social Network is racking ‘em up tonight.  Film editing is something I wish I knew more about, but I wonder if I have the patience for it
Randy Newman – “We Belong Together” (Toy Story 3) Wins Best Original Song
Beta Says: This is his twentieth nomination yet only his second win.  Weird.  He makes a valid point of there only being four nominees for this category this year.   They really could have easily found another song, damn it!
-Oh, it’s Halle Berry.  Time for a bathroom break (Not because I find her dull, of course, but because I refuse to give her the satisfaction of my full attention in anything she’s involved with)
-I don’t like Hilary Swank.  I’m not sure why
Tom Hooper (The King’s Speech) Wins Best Director
Beta Says: Fair enough.  As I‘ve mentioned before I’m not sure what separates a director who’s good enough to direct a film that’s nominated for Best Picture but one that’s apparently not talented enough to be nominated for this award
-Again, isn’t it odd that the host of the show is up for an award himself?  It feels…I dunno, strange
-Michelle Williams looks kind of really bad with short platinum hair

Gah!  My eyes!  Its too bright!  The goggles do nothing!
Natalie Portman (Black Swan) Wins Best Actress
Beta Says: Completely unsurprising.  She deserves it, of course.  Never let it be said she was the weak link in those god awful Star Wars films
-Sandra Bullock seemed completely intent on not being pretentious when she presented the nominees.  Good for her
Colin Firth (The King’s Speech) Wins Best Actor
Beta Says: Surprising no one, judging from the buzz leading to this show.  As I haven’t seen the flick I can’t say either way, but DJ Muppet mentioned to me that The King’s Speech was amazing, so perhaps it’s all good
-Okay, I admit it: I like Anne Hathaway’s repeated wardrobe changes
The King’s Speech Wins Best Picture
Beta Says: Grr, I wanted any of the movies I saw to win this.  I dislike it when one movie swoops in and just dominates a show, but at least this movie was (So I’m told) one of the movies that deserved the nod.  Since NINE other flicks were also nominated you have to assume a few of them had no business being up there
Maybe at this point I should not bother
-Damn it!   A kids’ choir!  This is not how I want to spend my last moments of consciousness!

Final Thoughts: I feel like the last few years the spectacle factor was overwhelming, in a bad way.  Especially the proceedings for Best Actor/Actress which sometimes looked like an overblown post-modern play.  Thankfully things seem much more even this year.  Things were a bit dull and tended to drag, but it wasn’t offensive.  I thought that Franco and Hathaway were at best “okay” as hosts and both of them seemed very nervous and uncomfortable.  Understandable seeing as this isn’t really their element.  I guess there were no big surprises here as far as winners, though I wish True Grit had taken something home.  It wasn’t a good show but it wasn’t terrible either.  Overall I’d give the show a Thumbs in the Middle.

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